RANT: "...Due to Human Error."

One of my favorite movies is Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey. I’m not going to attempt to describe what it’s about, but I will say most of it revolves around “Hal 9000,” a supercomputer that runs the spaceship. Hal predicts that a part on the ship will fail, but the humans on the ship can’t find anything wrong with the part. The humans ask Hal if any computers like him have ever made an error. Hal confirms that the 9000 series “has a perfect operational record.” Hal can tell the humans are worried about whether he is malfunctioning or not, so he proposes his theory about the misdiagnosis of the failing part. “This sort of thing has cropped up before,” says Hal, “and it has always been due to human error.” What a great line!

My Dad used to work as an IT guy helping people with their computers. He had a saying: “You can usually fix a computer by replacing the nut at the end of the mouse.” His point? Most people cause their own computer problems. My point? Some people blame their music software for “sucking” when the problem is really the operator. Most of the time, I have to agree with Hal. If your music software sucks, it’s usually “due to human error.”

For example: a guy contacts me and tells me that he’s about to give up on GarageBand because it “sucks.” “I knew I should have got Logic,” he keeps repeating. I inquire about his problems and recommend that he schedule a 15 minute slot with me via iChat. “15 minutes?” he asks confused. “I’ll be able to get you up and running in 15 minutes,” I assure him. See, he was hating GarageBand because it “wouldn’t line up the beats properly.” He also didn’t know how to loop regions and complained that GarageBand was a pain in the butt to use. Sure enough, I showed him the quantize feature in GarageBand, how to loop, and made a few other basic recommendations in less than 15 minutes. Turns out, he had no recording experience, never watched the free instructional videos, and was entering MIDI information by “playing” the tiny on-screen keyboard with the trackpad. I thought to myself, “Yes, it must be GarageBand that sucks.”

Now, in the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey it turns out that Hal the supercomputer was indeed failing and the humans were right. Sometimes that’s the case in our world as well. The Audio Geek Zine recently reported that ProTools 8.0.4 has some serious issues for Windows users . But most of the time, frustrations with music software have more to do with a faulty user than a faulty program. So, before you go blaming your computer or your software, please think to yourself, “What have I done to prove that I am capable of making an informed judgment about the benefits or limitations of my software?” It sucks to enter notes with a trackpad on a tiny virtual keyboard. Buy a fricken $100 controller! The beats won’t line up? Get some rhythm, or at least learn how to quantize! GarageBand won’t loop? Yeah, it’s probably because the program is glitchy. That recycle sign that comes up when you move your cursor in the upper right hand corner of the region has no purpose…it’s just there to look cool. I agree, you’re right: buying Logic will solve all your problems. Increasing the complexity of a piece of software usually results in an easier learning curve. You are detecting my sarcasm, right?

MY ADVICE: before you throw up your hands in despair because your gear sucks, please first make sure that the problem is not “due to human error.”

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